Hell Week 2012

This week has been a hard one for the last 11 years and over the past couple, it seems to be getting harder and harder to get through. As you've read before, I have never been close with my paternal grandmother. I don't really have what one could consider 'good' memories with her. My sisters do, and my oldest nephew does. I do not. I remember the mean and hateful things she said to me when I was 15 and Daniel decided to jump out of a swing and break one wrist and crack the other. As much as I push that aside, I've never forgotten it. I vaguely remember my maternal grandmother. She passed away when I was 4ish. My maternal grandfather passed away long before I was born, but I was close with my paternal grandfather. My sister's called him Shorty. I just called him Grandpa. My grandfather passed away 11 years ago on July 18th, 2001. There is a picture of me, somewhere, holding the flag that my grandmother was presented with due to him being a veteran. I go and sit at his grave on an occasional and place flowers there. I miss him. The last memories I have of him are not in the hospital and as much as I wish I could have been there at the end, I wouldn't want those memories.

On July 16th, 2010 my baby, Sera, was put to sleep. I hate the word euthanized. It sounds extremely cold. She was ill and I do miss her. I do get a little choked up talking about her sometimes, but I know that she's with my grandpa running through beautiful kelly green fields. Last year was hard b/c it was the first year without my best friend. She's buried in the backyard with her friend Annie alongside her. I go and sit and think at the top of the hill on occasion. I still place flowers there. I have some plans to make it pretty up there with flowers and stepping stones.

Today, my mother had her hysterectomy surgery. I spoke with my dad while I was at work. He said that she was in recovery at the time. She was doing well and the doctor said the surgery was extensive, but that he got 95% of the cancer removed. She starts chemotherapy in 3 weeks for the next 5 months. It is hard b/c I wish I could be there to help my parents, but I can't afford to go due to work, class, etc. I spoke with him this evening and he said she was doing well after the surgery and was resting. She had to wait a few hours for a room to be moved out of recovery, but that typically happens in a larger hospital. Things happen and people don't get released on time and that puts cleaning the rooms behind schedule and then moving people from recovery or the ed are behind.