Mother: Confident, Fan, Best Friend

I've been thinking a lot recently. I haven't been writing much. I need to do that though. It is very cathartic for me. It seems to help me clear my mind. Although, I have been out after the sun goes down to walk the dog. It has been too hot during the daytime to do so. When I'm walking the dog after dark, it is peaceful and helps me to clear my mind or to put things into a different perspective.

This past week has definitely been a rough one for me. I locked myself out of the house on Tuesday (I think it was Tuesday) evening. I had let the dog out and hosed him off to cool him off and knew I would be outside longer than just allowing him to potty. So, I shut the door so the 'bought' air wouldn't escape. I did not realize that the knob was locked, even though I keep it locked all the time. I had no windows unlocked since I returned from Hawai'i. It has been too hot and humid to keep any windows open just a crack, so they have remained locked. No one here has my spare key (which I will be giving to someone). This would be the second time in a year I have locked myself out of my house. The last time I locked my keys and the spare keys in my car. That is the ONLY two times I have ever done that.

Thursday morning I went out and got into my car to leave for work and it wouldn't start. It was really weird too. I didn't think it was the battery b/c that was less than 2 years old. I was actually thinking it was something major. After trying to call my eldest sister and her husband to no avail, I began texting anyone in my area that I had a number for. Most people are still asleep in the summer time at 7:45 in the morning. I got a hold of a coworker who came and saved me! Thank you Amy for jumping my car, not once, but twice! It turns out it was the battery. The replacement (after freaking out) was free. Phew.

If you were to ask my friend, Tiffany, these two things wouldn't be enough to even phase me. She has seen me rip my formal dress and safety pin it together and continue to dance. I didn't allow it to ruin my evening. So, for me, normally this would not have upset me. However, as most of you know, my mother is sick.

As mentioned in a previous post, my mother is my best friend, my confidant, my biggest support (with my dad), my biggest fan (with my dad), and someone that I aspire to be like. She has taught me to be an independent woman who sets goals and is determined to meet them. I remember her getting up before the crack of dawn to tote me to the rink. I would train while she sat there drinking coffee and talking with other skating moms. I miss that. Those memories are extremely vivid in my mind. I remember her driving hours to get me to practice time on another rink's ice before a competition. I remember her sewing sequins and crystals onto numerous skating dresses so that they were perfect for competition or show. I remember her coming to basketball games to watch me dance on pom squad in high school. I remember how excited she was when I got a bid into Alpha Omicron Pi sorority. I remember both of my parents coming to Greeley for Homecoming and taking pictures of my sisters and I on the floats, every year for four years. I remember her coming down for my initiation day brunch after I became an initiated sister. I vividly remember her standing up for me to the high school counselor and German teacher after I decided I no longer wanted to be in German. I remember getting up at some random hour to go shopping on Black Friday, or standing in line at midnight for a Harry Potter release.

Yes. My mother is sick. She was diagnosed with ovarian cancer just over a week ago. Being as close with my mother as I am, I am completely devastated by this news. I told my 'inner sanctum' of friends within the first couple of days. I know that people are praying for her recovery. I also know that I cannot let this get me down. I know that I have to be strong for my mother to be her support b/c I know that she will need it.

But, how does one go from laying on the beach having a a good time in Hawai'i to having surgery for her gallbladder to having ovarian cancer?! I'm angry! I'm devastated b/c one thinks that it is something that could never happen to them. But, I know that God doesn't put us through more than he knows we can handle. I also believe that EVERYTHING happens for a reason. This is something that I have witnessed numerous times over the last five years! I want to rage, but I know that would do no good. I want to cry, but I have already cried buckets. At this point, I am just numb. Yes, I still cry when I'm alone, but of course it does not good except making me a huge snot bucket!

Mom has to have surgery next week in Denver. The oncologist there is a specialist in women's reproductive cancers. She has some tumors and it has spread a little. But, she said the doctor was positive that she will respond well to the chemo. I know that it won't let it get her down and I know that she will kick cancer's ass! My mother, according to her, is a 'tough old bat.' She has always been active, she walks to dog, putters around the yard in the gardens and the house. She won't let it get her down. While the news wasn't the best news (that would have been it isn't cancer, sorry for the confusion) it wasn't the worst news. It will, however, continue to be a long road with the surgery and the chemotherapy.

I truly appreciate the people that have texted me, called me, fb messaged me, and hung out with me to make sure I am okay and to make sure my mother is okay. You have no idea how much that has kept me going these last 2 weeks. I appreciate all the prayers and I hope that you continue to do so. She really needs them right now.